Take 1000400034

Seems like I keep trying this blogging thing and keep getting sidetracked! So now that I can post from my phone I'm gonna give it another shot!

Religion, God and all that stuff....

The last 2 days I've had the priviledge to assit the instructor from the karate school I attend with a class for his church's vacation bible school and it's brought up some mixed emotions for me. Relegion, no matter what yours is, God, again no matter which you believe in is such a complicated thing. It starts wars, it brings communites together and gives people comfort when they need it most, but it means so many different things to different people.

I grew up in a house were my parents didn't go to church and God was rarely talked about in our house. I went to church with different friend and family members so I have been educated in the ways of the bible and how God expects me to conduct my life. As an adult I've struggled many times with what to teach my own children about relgion.

I will admit after my mother passed I lost faith in any type of God. It amazed me how someone that should the bible and churches claim is so loving could take away my mother and my best friend when I needed her most. I still struggle with this concept and I feel that I always will.

I've been sitting the last 2 night and watching these young minds listen and absorb the teaching of the leaders at this VBS. The biggest thing I've noticed is how peaceful most of the adults seem. They truely believe exactly what they are teaching. I'm finding myself wondering where I stand. Yes, I believe there is a God, I believe that you should live your life in the best way that you can, I believe that the 10 commandments cover just about everything that is currently in need of fixing in our world. I pray sometimes, I've asked for guidence and looked to God for an explanation. In most ways that matter I consider myself a Christian.

But, yes there is always a but, I do have a lot of habits I guess you would call them that aren't very Christian like. I'm sure I offened people on a daily basis. I swear, I drink, I hold grudges and some times I even hate (yes, I know that's a strong word but it's the correct word). I have impure thoughts and I've been know to enchance a story or 2. And worst of all I don't go to church, and I'm not sure I ever will. Does this make me a bad person? (I often ask myself that.) Does it make be believe in my God anyless? I don't think so, I think it makes me...well me.

I try to tell myself I'll be a better person and in a lot of ways I am. I do community service, I help a friend whenever I can and I teach my children right from wrong and how to be true to themselves. Will I change what I do? I'm guessing after all most 38 years probably not. Most importantly I don't ever want to be anything but me. I'll worship and pray in MY way. I'll honor God and teach my children in MY way. If that makes me a "bad" Christian I guess when judgement day comes I'll have to answer to my God but for now I answer only to myself!

The 50 pound challenge...

So the last few months have been riddled with health issues for me. It started with a kidney stone that a ER doc claimed I was making up (not sure how that works), which turned out to be a stubborn 15mm stone. During the time I was dealing with that, the karma bus decided to hit me once again and I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. So I've spent the last 3 and a half months dealing with one of these 3 issues which got me to thinking.....could I have avoided this?

The kidney stone probably not. It seems I'm prone to them and it will be a constant worry from what the doctors say. Bus seriously 15mm...that's half an inch...even the urologist said wow! 2 lithotripsies and 5 weeks of having a stent, I'm mentally scared. Yep mentally...the stent was by far one of the most unpleasant things ever...we won't talk about what happened at the grocery store...let's just say everyone was embarrassed!

Diabetes now that one could have been avoided or at least postponed. Plain and simple I haven't been taking care of myself. I've been lazy (I do love my couch) and have been eating the wrong things. My weight has sky rocketed to the point where I am heavier than I was at 9 month pregnant with my daughter. I was and am disgusted with myself! So here I am on an oral med and 2 different types of insulin....my life style has to change!!

So I've challenged myself...50 pounds in 6 months! Why 6 months? Because in about 6 months I will be testing for my first advanced belt in karate...green belt. I want to look good when I stand up there in front of my PKSA family and feel proud that I've accomplished not only improving my karate skills but improving myself at the same time!

The challenge is on......

Take 2...or is it 3

I've been away from blogging for a while but thought I'd give it another shot! The last few months have been challenging to say the least...more on that later. I do wonder if anyone actually reads this or if it's just me talking to myself...feel free to comment and let me know lol (I don't want to be that weird friend)!