The last 2 days I've had the priviledge to assit the instructor from the karate school I attend with a class for his church's vacation bible school and it's brought up some mixed emotions for me. Relegion, no matter what yours is, God, again no matter which you believe in is such a complicated thing. It starts wars, it brings communites together and gives people comfort when they need it most, but it means so many different things to different people.
I grew up in a house were my parents didn't go to church and God was rarely talked about in our house. I went to church with different friend and family members so I have been educated in the ways of the bible and how God expects me to conduct my life. As an adult I've struggled many times with what to teach my own children about relgion.
I will admit after my mother passed I lost faith in any type of God. It amazed me how someone that should the bible and churches claim is so loving could take away my mother and my best friend when I needed her most. I still struggle with this concept and I feel that I always will.
I've been sitting the last 2 night and watching these young minds listen and absorb the teaching of the leaders at this VBS. The biggest thing I've noticed is how peaceful most of the adults seem. They truely believe exactly what they are teaching. I'm finding myself wondering where I stand. Yes, I believe there is a God, I believe that you should live your life in the best way that you can, I believe that the 10 commandments cover just about everything that is currently in need of fixing in our world. I pray sometimes, I've asked for guidence and looked to God for an explanation. In most ways that matter I consider myself a Christian.
But, yes there is always a but, I do have a lot of habits I guess you would call them that aren't very Christian like. I'm sure I offened people on a daily basis. I swear, I drink, I hold grudges and some times I even hate (yes, I know that's a strong word but it's the correct word). I have impure thoughts and I've been know to enchance a story or 2. And worst of all I don't go to church, and I'm not sure I ever will. Does this make me a bad person? (I often ask myself that.) Does it make be believe in my God anyless? I don't think so, I think it makes me...well me.
I try to tell myself I'll be a better person and in a lot of ways I am. I do community service, I help a friend whenever I can and I teach my children right from wrong and how to be true to themselves. Will I change what I do? I'm guessing after all most 38 years probably not. Most importantly I don't ever want to be anything but me. I'll worship and pray in MY way. I'll honor God and teach my children in MY way. If that makes me a "bad" Christian I guess when judgement day comes I'll have to answer to my God but for now I answer only to myself!
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